OMG My Baby is Mobile and My Life is Over

Cheeks (a new nickname S got from a friend last weekend) is crawling and cruising. She is also tumbling and head bashing. She is also not napping longer than 20 minutes. (That’s just enough time for me to check email while she falls deep enough into sleep for me to take my boob from her, go pee, drink 2 glasses of water, and scarf something to eat while shoving laundry into the washer.) I haven’t had time to do anything, especially writing. Boo.

Here are some random thoughts that have been on repeat in my head lately:

I’ve run several marathons. I’ve backpacked for many days over mountains. I’ve hauled a stupid chainsaw two miles into the woods every morning and out again every evening for two weeks while working on trails in northern MI. But I am EXHAUSTED after chasing, flipping, and holding my 23 pound child during diaper changes.

My kid isn’t in love with solid foods yet. She eats three spoonfuls every day and then quits the business in the high chair. I don’t have any concerns that she will grow up and not like food. What is the idea (that the pediatric nurse is all worried about)? That the kid will wean and only be able to drink SlimFast for the rest of her life? A friend sent me a text message today that said something like, “Wanna come over and let the babies play with the dogs, maybe go for a walk, and have some cranberry cake and ice cream?” And I swear the words describing food GLOWED. My child will love food. No prob.

This whole Schweddy Balls boycott by the Million cranky moms is so much nonsense. That SNL skit is like the broccoli of humor. Everyone needs their green leafies. And I have yet to get my hands on some Schweddy Balls in this town. Kids should not be anywhere near the ice cream aisle, anyway. Geesh!

Naomi Wolf is giving me migraines with her book _Misconceptions…_ about pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. And I’ll probably keep reading it anyway because it is pretty much word for word my life. And yours. And everyone in The Motherhood. I can’t find it in ebook, though, so I won’t finish it until Cheeks is in kindergarten.

I heard a woman at the Y say, “I am free tonight. There’s a program on at 10 that I’d like to watch, but other than that…” It’s been five months since I’ve watched anything except 2.5 Weeds episodes in 10 minute intervals and a handful of Modern Family season 2, but I have to watch each episode three times before I see enough to understand them. I asked B if he thought that maybe when Cheeks is 3 we might be able to watch a movie again.

I usually have profound thoughts in the car.

That’s it. I have to sleep. Hang tough, mommas. Or hang ten.


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